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Love Yourself First

Love yourself first

There is less than a week until Valentine´s day and for some, this day really puts a spotlight on your relationship status. I am a romantic at heart and I think that’s because I grew up watching Disney movies on repeat. If you stop to think about it, the classic Disney films with female leads always follow the same pattern. The princess is in distress and is ultimately saved by her prince charming. It happened to all of them: Snow White, Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, should I go on?

Naturally, I grew up thinking that one of my biggest goals in life was to find that perfect man, and at that moment my life would be complete. That led me to always have crushes on boys at school and when Valentine's Day came around and I didn’t receive a letter from a secret admirer I would be crushed. I started to think that a girls worth came from how pretty she was and how many boys were after her, which thinking about it today really saddens me. In my teenage years I started changing my personality to what I thought would be attractive to boys. When I first started dating I settled for the first boy available, that wasn’t a good experience as he kind of mentally abused me and threatened me when I wanted to leave him. Ultimately I stayed with him for two years because I thought having a boyfriend was cool. That is one of my biggest regrets.

Many years have passed and I have drastically changed the way I think. One thing that I have realised is that before you can love a partner you need to first love yourself. You need to feel content with yourself and feel like you are the only person in charge of your happiness. If not, you will start looking for the thing you are missing in a partner, and perfect as your partner can be, they will never be able to truly fill that whole. And if that relationship ends, you will feel broken and lost.

It is wonderful to find someone you love, but you should see that person as a life partner and not as the sole reason for your existence. There is a fine line between loving someone and depending on someone.

What I’m trying to say is, regardless if you are in a relationship or not, you need to learn to love yourself fist. You only have one life, so nurture yourself and try to fix by yourself the little holes that sometimes life makes. Love as much as you can but never feel like your happiness is in the hands of someone else. And if you feel like you are in a relationship that is causing you more heartbreak than happiness, learn to let go because life is too short and you should never allow someone to make your life difficult
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  1. having a boyfriend is great but you need to love yourself first. Great post :)

  2. I totally agree with you. When I was younger I thought I could only be happy with a boyfreind

  3. This post has such an important message and I totally agree with you! I used to be really bad with depending on people, but now I don't and it's a great feeling xo

    Char |

  4. I totally agree with everything you’ve said here. It’s so sad that we as girls grow up seeing marriage and having a boyfriend as an accomplishment, or something that we have to tick off our lists to have a perfect life and that there’s something wrong with us if we don’t have a partner. It’s bullshit, because men aren’t taught the same and ultimate your self worth should be based on what you think about yourself and not what other people, especially men, think of you. Also, having a partner isn’t good enough on its own, they have to be someone you actually love and respect and who loves and respects you, having a boyfriend for the sake of having one, even if they don’t treat you well, isn’t a situation anyone should have to live with!

  5. This is so try Vanessa, you really do need to love yourself first and be the best person you can be x

  6. I totally agree with you. You gotta find some love in yourself before you can focus on another person.

  7. I completely agree! How can you properly love someone else, and they love you as you deserve, if you don't love yourself as much as you deserve?

  8. Gosh! I totally agree with you!

    I had this really strange phase were I thought I wasn't good enough because no one apparently cared about me. It was as if I was incomplete or if something was wrong with me. To make things worse, my ex-stepfather used to make comments on the topic. I was labelled as "an aunt", which meant that I wouldn't able to find anyone. I was 15 at the time and that hurt.

    Now, 10 years later I no longer care. Yes, I want to have a healthy relationship, have kids and so on. But I no longer care if it's going to happen now or later. I have been focusing on doing things that I love and good to me - reading, blogging and getting my masters degree. As long as I am happy with myself, nothing else bothers me.

    If am not able to love myself, I won't be able to love anyone else. I believe you made an excellent point on that!

    Would I love to spend my Valentines with the man I love? Yes I would. But since that's not possible at the moment, I will spend it loving myself. I'll probably take the chance to pamper myself (which I don't do as often as I should!)

    Take care!

  9. Have to try it!


  10. I think a key thing is having respect for yourself. Enough to not take any crap!

    Corinne x

  11. Totally agree with you! I'm sorry you had to go through something like that but I'm so so happy you see the world a little differently these days. Working on ourselves first is always the best option. Plus, if the time is right and we're feeling like sharing the love, when we're feeling our most awesome and living our best lives for ourselves, this is when we're more likely to attract the right kind of mate.

    Happy Valentines to you, my lovely!

    Faded Windmills


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